ING dreaming of a cafe on every corner

It looks like ING Direct wants to be Starbucks. The financial institution is expanding its high-tech coffee-cafe banking model to New York and Honolulu. Patrons at ING cafes in Chicago, Los Angeles, Philadelphia and a few other markets are already served Pete's coffee and pastries (and given the chance to buy ING-branded merchandise!) while bathed in the glow of plasma screens flashing news about the bank's products and services. Given ING's recent results, I'm not so sure I'd trust its financial advice. As for emulating Starbucks, well, that company's doing even worse. These days, the green tea latte might be its only asset even close to the color of money.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

August 20, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

London prepared to grab Olympic spotlight

The 2008 Olympic Games continue through Sunday in Beijing, but London's tourism officials are already elbowing in and reminding the world where the 2012 Games will be held. Visit London, the official tourism body, is launching a £4m global ad campaign this week from WPP agency RKCR to promote the city as a tourist destination in the lead-up to the 2012 Games. The main image from the campaign is a picture of London taking up the entire globe—an image perhaps inspired by British maps from the glory days of the empire. The tagline is, "See the world. Visit London." James Bidwell, CEO of Visit London, is quoted as saying: "In the words of one of the finest English authors, Samuel Johnson, 'There is in London all that life can afford,' and as we prepare to host the greatest sporting event on earth our campaign shows there is no other place to be than here." The London 2012 committee itself is remaining quiet this week, either out of respect for the Beijing Games or lingering embarrassment over its logo.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

August 20, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (4)

'Watchmen,' 'Potter' geeks start to squirm

Twentieth Century Fox is suing Warner Bros., claiming it owns the rights to Watchmen (rights which it apparently bought in the 1980s and failed to use) and seeking an injunction to stop production of the film. At the moment, there's no reason to doubt the film will come out on time. Fox is most likely just looking to squeeze some cash out of Warner, like producer Robert Clark did over disputed rights to Warner's Dukes of Hazzard film. And if it is pushed back, that won't be the end of the world, right? I mean, all those Harry Potter fans are taking the eight-month delay on Warner's next installment of that series pretty well. Except those calling for protests and boycotts, that is. To try to mitigate that situation, Warner is giving Potter's original release date (Nov. 21) to Twilight, an adaption of Stephenie Meyer's teen vampire romance. Do I even need to tell you it's horrible? It's a teen vampire romance. If I were a teenage girl, I would be dying to see it. Since I am full-grown comic-book geek, I'm joining a Facebook group instead. It's called NOOOO! Don't Let F***ing Fox Stop Watchmen!

—Posted by Rebecca Cullers

August 20, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

A good day for man-children everywhere

Crass king Seth MacFarlane, creator of Family Guy and American Dad, is unveiling a new program called Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy, which will be distributed solely by Google. That's right, I said Google. The show will air online only, starting in September. Google will use AdSense to draw an audience by targeting Web sites with MacFarlane's core audience: the much coveted and fragmented man-child demographic. A company that shares an interest in the young male market, Burger King, has signed on as the sponsor. But wait, it gets better. MacFarlane has been commissioned to animate Burger King ads specifically for the program. A concept which I totally heart. Check out the animated version of the King, who of course stars in the ads. Personally, I hate man-children and the whole Seth Rogan/Judd Apatow production complex that has sprung forth to amuse them (I'm so not the target market). But what can I say? It's a smart move. Immaturity is so hot right now. Hot like a juicy, flame-broiled BK Whopper.

—Posted by Rebecca Cullers

August 20, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Cows desperate to become BK hamburgers

Speaking of Burger King, this new BK ad falls flat by failing to address why a cow would be mad at someone for not killing and eating it. That's the kind of relationship I'd want broken if I were the cow. But then, what this guy does with livestock in his private life is none of our business. Of greater concern is whether or not a chicken sandwich that provokes such a violent response in cattle is worth the effort—i.e., hiding out in one's car in a deserted parking lot. Gotta say, Burger King's portrayal of its own food could be a lot more appetizing.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

August 20, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (6)

At gun shows, the terrorists always win

Modernista!'s new Stop Handgun Violence billboard throws a spotlight on the legal loophole that permits the sale of firearms at gun shows without IDs or criminal background checks. The ad's message is clear: "We sell guns! No ID required. No background checks. Criminals and terrorists welcome!" (See a larger image here.) The billboard, on the Mass Pike near Boston's Fenway Park, is huge—the nation's largest, supposedly, so none is likely to miss the point. Great. Now, all the criminals and terrorists will know where to go for guns. And, as shocking as it might sound, I've got enemies. Harry and Louise, for example—and they're gun nuts. Or was that Thelma and Louise? Plus, SHV's last big billboard brought out lots of vitriol here on AdFreak. Thanks a lot, Modernista. (I left the exclamation point off on purpose. I'm just not feeling it, OK?)

—Posted by David Gianatasio

August 19, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Your dying relatives are a treasure chest!

Companies offering cash for gold are usually not the most tasteful advertisers. Still, this may be the first commercial of its kind to advocate yanking Grandma's fillings out with pliers before she has even keeled over. "No wonder people hate advertising," writes the guy who sent us the spot. But actually, these ads are even worse when they're played straight.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

August 19, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Harry, Louise still obsessed with healthcare

They're back! Harry and Louise, the not-so-dynamic advertising duo who helped torpedo Hillary Clinton's healthcare reform bid in 1993-94, return in spots set to air during the Democratic and Republican conventions. Their new mission is getting Congress to make healthcare a top priority. Maybe if they'd kept their mouths shut the first time around, we'd have socialized medicine like they do in Canada, where nobody minds waiting 10 months for an appendectomy because of all the mood stabilizers they can get for free. I kid. Canada's great. Anyway, the original Harry and Louise campaign, funded by a group of health-insurance providers, was credited with initiating a boom in public-policy advertising. Today, the landscape's so fragmented and cluttered, they can't possibly have the same impact or appeal. Ask another '90s duo whose recent reunion was ignored en mass: Mulder and Scully. Maybe they were pitching healthcare reform in the recent X-Files movie. No one saw it, so we'll never know for sure.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

August 19, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

In case you haven't had enough of politics

MSN today premieres a 25-episode Web-video comedy series called Republicrats, about a presidential hopeful of no fixed political beliefs (hence the title) who lets the public (via the Web) determine his stance on the issues and even select his running mate. Wags might ask how this differs from actual presidential politics. In our poll-obsessed, image-is-everything society, it probably doesn't. In fact, it's not even as pointed as Stephen Colbert's foray onto the electoral stage, because his "fake" candidacy was for "real." The producers of Republicrats say they have no advertisers yet. If they're willing to inject some mind-bending irony into the process, they should try to get their candidate on the actual ballot and qualify for public matching funds. Then the show could sponsor itself by running real/fake commercials for its real/fake candidate during its own episodes. Now that's satire! And if laws are broken, well, that would just heighten the political "reality."

—Posted by David Gianatasio

August 19, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Which Olympics ads have the best music?

Media saturation for the Olympics is complete now that we have Paste magazine's picks for the 10 Best Songs in Commercials During the Olympics. The list is mostly a who's-who of fading indie credibility. I've always preferred Gabriel Ananda over Enur, who makes the cut for a Target spot set in the kind of giant dorm room only seen on TV. As for the Killers, that “I've got soul but I'm not a soldier” line isn't as clever as they (or Nike) think it is. (The same could be said for their entire discography, pretty much.) Brandi Carlile get props for donating a song to General Motors for green causes, but her sound got old when everyone else in her genre was doing it. I agree with this list's No. 1 choice, though—featured in the ad posted above. It's impossible to knock Marvin Gaye, and Nike's talents for exploitation are well documented.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

August 19, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Just like that, teen modesty is all the rage

Big news from the Associated Press this week: a mom shocked by her daughter's modest clothing! Yes, this may be the newest trend in teen land: girls gone mild. How did this come about? Is it simply a long-overdue return to the days when 13-year-olds didn't buy thongs, or at least partially the result of Disney's billion-dollar, Christian-values boy band the Jonas Brothers? I'm thinking Disney's summer of sweet, hot chastity has really caught on. Ms. Cyrus herself picked a modest dress for the Teen Choice Awards this year, compared with her cleavage-revealing, sparkly mini from last year. Even the CW is dressing its starlets from Gossip Girl (which won six Teen Choice Awards) with enough modesty and style to get the fashion blogs cooing (and you can shop for all the clothes on the GG Web site, squee!). Maybe innocence really is sexier than we thought.

—Posted by Rebecca Cullers

August 19, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Gore's global-warming ads still feeling cold

Al Gore's Alliance for Climate Protection is back with a new ad in its "We" campaign, created by The Martin Agency. From the press release: "The tone of this spot is much different than what you've seen in the campaign so far." True enough. Where the earlier stuff was soft and ineffectual, and roundly panned by most media observers, this commercial is just whiny and oddly worded. Bidding politicians to "use the wind" is an unfortunate turn of phrase in at least two ways. The line "We demand that we repower America" is just confusing. Stop forcing the word "we" into every sentence! There's no "we" in America, by the way, just a "me" and an "I." Think about that next time your hemp-powered buggy runs out of juice 20 miles from home. Also check out this earlier ad from the campaign, where "we" all behave like the monolith-worshiping apes in 2001: A Space Odyssey. In the spot, "we" all appear to be moving giant power switches. Does that make Gore an emissary from a technologically advanced, extraterrestrial civilization? You know, in his mind—and some others—I think it does. Wake up, people: The man's from Tennessee.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

August 19, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Subway drops turd in pool during Olympics

Who will win the gold for crappiest commercial airing during the Olympics? Probably Subway, whose Scrabble spot isn't tied to the Games but has been airing on NBC anyway, in a seemingly endless loop. The ad shows people emerging from Subway restaurants dripping wet, and seeming refreshed and happy. The source of their joy, it turns out, is that they're covered in soda—having been splashed by other gleeful patrons who've been excitedly peeling Scrabble game pieces off their drinks. The ad is Wendy's-esque in its presentation of anti-social behavior as lighthearted fun. And it's not even a new spot. Subway liked it so much in 2007 that it's brought it back for an encore.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

August 19, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (3)

J&J realizing kids need a kick in the pants

Nice piece here from The Onion about Johnson & Johnson's "Nothing But Tears" shampoo, a product designed to "prepare meek and fragile newborns for the real world." "You'll notice a difference after just one use," says a J&J rep, "whether it's your newborn's more hardened appearance, the way he now approaches people with guarded skepticism, or just that look on his face that says, 'Oh wait, maybe life isn't all hugs and kisses and rainbows. Maybe I need to get my fucking act together.' "

—Posted by Tim Nudd

August 18, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (2)

'Burn Notice' promo written in invisible ink

USA Network's pre-Emmy promo piece to build buzz for Burn Notice, a show about an ex-CIA operative, is printed in invisible ink. The elaborate kit, designed by TDA Advertising & Design and mailed to voting members of the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences, includes 12 episodes of the show on four DVDs, a UV flashlight and a lot of white space. Small print reads: "Steps: 1. Use this flashlight to reveal hidden text. 2. Deny you ever used this flashlight." I can do the latter legitimately, since I wasn't sent the kit, just the press release, which was eminently readable on my screen. I have installed a UV light in my cube, though, so now I look all dangerous and cool, and my co-workers are avoiding me even more than usual. Excellent! See more images over at The Denver Egotist.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

August 18, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Visa vanquishes rivals with 'Go Phelps' ads

If you've been watching the Olympics, you've seen Visa's "Go World" commercials from TBWA\Chiat\Day, in which the impressive feats of Olympic athletes are recounted in gold-tinted slow motion. They made an impressive number of spots (all viewable at the Go World site), but what really struck me were the three executions specifically created for Michael Phelps that aired right after each of his wins. There was the generic, Michael-isn't-a-dolphin spot, which came after the first few, then the specific congratulations on winning more gold medals than anybody ever, and of course, another one for surpassing Mark Spitz's record with eight golds in one Olympics. In the bevy of ads that followed Phelps's wins, Visa stood out as the only advertiser with a relevant message. The spots were given extra gravitas by narrator Morgan Freeman, who was injured in a car crash recently. So, of course, they were recorded far in advance, even though the footage was turned around in less than a day from Phelps's previous victory. What I wonder is what the ad would have said if Phelps hadn't pulled it off. Did they have a special "You're still crazy-awesome, Michael, and we still love you" commercial ready?

—Posted by Rebecca Cullers

August 18, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (5)

Liberty Mutual puts you in the driver's seat

OK, I've connected the dots and made sense of Liberty Mutual's new commercials. One shows the aftermath of a nasty sideswipe. Another depicts the disorientation drivers feel after an accident. A third, covered by AdFreak last week, features a carnival scene. Here's what I've concluded: Reckless carnies are out joy riding, causing accidents everywhere! Sure, I only realized this after chugging a few cans of whipped topping with my new pal from Papa Murphy's, but I defy you to prove me wrong. Liberty Mutual's ads talk about "accident forgiveness," but if some Tilt-a-Whirl geek dents the fender of my beloved Civic, he's gonna pay though the nose! Retribution: that's my policy.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

August 18, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Airborne settlement nothing to sneeze at

The company behind cold remedy Airborne has just been officially slapped on the wrist by the Federal Trade Commission. Mentioned in Mental Floss's list of shameless false-advertising schemes, the ads and packaging dubiously claimed that Airborne could somehow prevent you from catching a cold. Now, the FTC is ordering the company to pay consumers back for as many as six purchases each, at an estimated total cost of $30 million. If you bought Airborne between 2001 and 2008, you have until Sept. 15 to apply for a refund. This ruling comes after a class-action suit on the same subject was settled earlier this year for $23.5 million. In addition, the lying liars have to change all their packaging and marketing language. Let's look on the bright side: Changing the packaging is a great excuse to get rid of one tragic line in particular. "Created by a school teacher!" doesn't really scream "medically legitimate."

—Posted by Rebecca Cullers

August 18, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Read a book, or risk a nasty shrunken head

This "Read more" ad from Young & Rubicam for Israeli bookstore Steimatzky (see a larger image here) may appear to champion literacy. But the image, which could have been pulled directly from a Tom Piccirilli novel, simply shows non-readers that they have lucrative careers ahead in carnivals, freak shows and Rob Zombie movies. Dabitch at Adland points out another problem with this ad: "Most men I know always want a little head." Still, AdFreak is officially in favor of reading, at least until we get that vlog started.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

August 18, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Do you have to be baked to deliver pizza?

Periscope's new spot for Papa Murphy's presents a delivery guy from a rival pizza chain who's unkempt, drinks from a garden hose and prepares a "dessert pizza" by squirting whipped cream onto a regular cheese-and-meat pie. Then he shoots the topping into his mouth. In other words, he's just like every fast-food delivery person who's ever come to my door. Except the ones from Domino's—they're worse. Actually, this dessert-pizza improviser seems cool. He probably plays in a band. I'd rather hang out with him than the nerdy counter help at Papa Murphy's (which I keep mistyping as Papa John's, so maybe they should just merge and give me a break). The Murphy's crew is so lazy! Take-n-bake? Meaning, we're supposed to take the pizzas home and bake them ourselves!? OMFG! The whipped cream guy seems baked, that's for sure. Even so, if the pie was warm when he handed it over, he still deserves a tip.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

August 18, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Gently remind them about the colonoscopy

I like novelty e-cards as much as the next guy. They are, in fact, my preferred method of communicating with my creditors. Health group Regence offers a whole bunch. The point is to send them to friends and family to remind them, in a gentle, e-card-y way, that it's time for a checkup. There's quite an assortment: "How's the cholesterol?" "It's colonoscopy time," "Quit smoking support," "Shape up puffy." Now, I'll admit that I've let myself go. I subsist mainly on jelly donuts and discount lattes. But did I really need all of these e-cards, sent to me repeatedly, and in such rapid succession that my inbox crawled inside the hard-drive looking for a place to die? I suspect it was Fred, the guy who works in the cube next to mine, who sent them. He's been chuckling all day. I'd send him an Health eCard suggesting a lobotomy, but that's not one of the choices. TIME FOR A LOBOTOMY, FRED! Oh wait, I just typed that in all caps, like I was yelling—but I didn't really yell, so he couldn't have heard me. It's going to be one of those days. Via Post Advertising.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

August 18, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Is Axl Rose now a Wal-Mart kind of guy?

If you've been waiting 14 long, fruitless years for the Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy, you'd better live near a Wal-Mart or Best Buy, because those might be the only places to get it. Billboard quotes "several unnamed sources" who said that "negotiations have begun to make Chinese Democracy a retail exclusive" at one of the two megastores, presumably because anyone hip enough to buy music elsewhere no longer gives a shit about Axl Rose. But come what may, fans will get to hear "Shackler's Revenge," a track from the album, in the next installment of the video game Rock Band. Unless Axl manages to delay that, too.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

August 18, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (2)

The new 'Clue' misses a few opportunities

I think it's great that Hasbro has finally updated the board game Clue with characters ripped from today's headlines, like wealthy socialite Kasandra Scarlet and former football player Jack Mustard. And while I question some of the things they kept in the game—has rope ever really been a popular murder weapon?—I also feel like they missed a few opportunities for revamped suspects: 1) Felicity Peacock, the once-virginal Disney star who now splits her time between rehab and soft-core porn. Weapons of choice: white zinfandel and a Porsche 911 Turbo. 2) Mel Green, the Oscar-winning director whose anti-Semitic flareups are as incriminating as his propensity for calling homicide investigators "sweet-tits." Weapon of choice: the one true cross. 3. Nick Nolte. Weapon of choice: A big sweaty headbutt.

—Posted by David Griner

August 15, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

U.K.'s Birmingham longs to be in Alabama

To be fair, the two great Birminghams of the world have a lot in common. Both were hubs of the Industrial Revolution, and today they're both ethnically diverse and focused around service industries. So, can we really blame city officials in Birmingham, England, for accidentally featuring the Birmingham, Alabama, skyline in a recent flier? Well, yes, apparently we can. The poor Brummie City Council has been getting mocked relentlessly by folks on both sides of the Atlantic since featuring Alabama's buildings in a recycling flier labeled "Thank you, Birmingham!" But as a proud resident of the American Birmingham, I refuse to join the chortling masses. I mean, we've had our own silliness to deal with lately. Instead, I will simply extend a warm, conciliatory note across the pond and say, "You're welcome, Birmingham!"

—Posted by David Griner

August 15, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Pop-culture reviews bordering on useless

Phrazit is a new Web service that provides ultra-condensed reviews of movies, TV shows, music and such—all culled from users' extremely brief input and presented in the ever-popular tag-cloud form. An example: the Phrazit cloud for The Dark Knight tells us, among other things, that the film is "amazing," "awesome," "intense," "hyped," "not as good as Wall-E," "overhyped," "overrated," "phenomenal" and "really long," and predicts that it "will beat Titanic." It's almost like I was there—and really, really confused. A couple of jokers (ha!) even offer some spoilers. Discourse isn't dead in the age of instantaneous data transmission—it just cuts to the chase, but doesn't dig very deep. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to start a Phrazit cloud for Styx. For some reason, the word "why?" immediately comes to mind.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

August 15, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

McCain ads continue to just piss people off

Speaking of John McCain's pop-culture exploits, he's currently in trouble with Jackson Browne for using his song "Running on Empty" in campaign ads. Only a Republican would crib a song from a guy who hasn't had a hit in like 20 years. But it might not be McCain's fault. According to his campaign, "the ad in question is not a McCain campaign ad but one put together by the Ohio Republican Party." Really, it doesn't matter who made the ad, because someone thought associating the phrase "Running on Empty" with McCain would help his chances. And people thought Bush was dumb.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

August 15, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (7)

Never endanger your beloved goatee again

Scott Bonge was a man with a dream. A weird dream that probably resulted from his eating too close to bedtime, but a dream nonetheless—involving a simple, hassle-free way to evenly shave his goatee. Now, after much effort, his GoateeSaver, described by many in the blogosphere as a Hannibal Lecter mask, has arrived. I personally think it looks like the mouthpiece from an industrial respirator, but as long as it doesn't cut anyone's face off, I won't protest it. After all, men have suffered worse in the name of comfort.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

August 15, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you find this sexy, you have some issues

One of our favorite trawlers of the Internet, Dear Jane Sample, found this tremendously disturbing 1976 ad for Love's Baby Soft while innocently (sexily?) searching for something else. Was there really a time when this ad was kosher? Or did Roman Polanski just ruin this creepy subgenre for everybody when he was arrested a year after this ad came out?

—Posted by David Griner

August 15, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (7)

Vending-machine snacks get much cooler

Big-box big boy Best Buy is installing electronics vending machines in major airports, which will allow you to swipe your credit card and purchase small electronic items like digital cameras and accessories, flash drives, MP3 players, portable gaming devices and the like. The machines are already available in a number of major airports (read: places where you're suffering through a layover at and have nothing better to do) and will continue rolling out until Sept. 1. Vending machines are famously common in Japan. They're like jingles—if you sell stuff, you've got to have one (or two or three right outside your 24-hour convenience store). It's a great way to get brand presence without the hassle of a storefront. If you're thinking about automating your brand, ZoomSystems is the company behind Best Buy's new machines. The little vending screens even play company advertising! One of the nice things about a vending machine, particularly for an international airport, is that unlike your ordinary, bored, 16-year-old clerk, whose only credential is a collared shirt with a logo, a vending machine can talk to your customers in whatever language they choose. It's totally kakkoii!

—Posted by Rebecca Cullers

August 15, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Man, was my ESPN/Orbitz trip awesome!

ESPN and Orbitz are teaming up for a sports-related travel Web site! OMG! (I wanted the "O" in OMG to look like a baseball, you know, with the red stitches? But they don't seem to have that key on my Mac.) Anyway, Brandweek, which I read so that one day I can be a CMO and not have to, says the site "has been designed to serve as an online travelogue for sports fans taking road trips to see the next big game." Sounds like a great idea that will generate scintillating copy! I'm uploading my latest adventure:
  July 19: Set out on big road trip to Red Sox game. Even though I live about 20 minutes from Fenway Park, I've rented a Winnebago and plan to "take the scenic route" and see as much of this great country as possible.

Click to read more ...

August 14, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)