A cup of coffee and a neck brace, stat!

We know McDonald’s has coffee to sell, but this construction worker in an AlmaDDB-made ad needs a chiropractor, not a barista. That giant key in his neck is giving him noticeable posture problems, to say nothing of what it did to his legs. This salesman and this mechanic have been similarly afflicted, though not as severely. McDonald’s could be looking at a lawsuit if they don’t respond quickly. And we’ve seen those go bad before. Via Ads of the World.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

May 16, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Red Cross winning battle over red cross

In one of the least surprising court decisions of all time, a federal judge has ruled against Johnson & Johnson in its ill-conceived legal battle with the American Red Cross. J&J sued last year over the use of the red cross symbol on items like licensed health merchandise. Some claims and counterclaims remain to be settled, but J&J's losing pretty badly and looks increasingly crass each time this story slips back into the headlines. It’s like they're paying their lawyers to tarnish their image. Whatever. As for my personal trademark-infringement suit against the other Davids here at AdFreak, I'm please to announce that a settlement has been reached. I’ve agreed to drop the complaint in return for their shares in Firebrand. When that baby goes public, I'm on easy street! Suckers.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

May 16, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Underdog accuses big shops of 'adbesity'

We'd love to suggest how to Overcome Adbesity, but the people who coined this disease seem to have a hard time explaining exactly what it is. But I’ve combed through enough of their Web site to deduce that adbesity is a) an awkward portmanteau, and b) the way large agencies rely on annoying, overpriced, synchronous ad campaigns that favor profits over creative exposure of the product in question. If I’m right, then the term is spot on. But current treatments appear limited to regular doses of juvenile, sputtering rage at anything in a suit, and a vague nostalgia for an imaginary heyday where advertisers were respectable artistes. So while this microsite by Connecticut-based Outhouse Communication has a commendable message, the tone suggests that they despise the system not because of ideological differences, but because they weren’t allowed behind the velvet rope.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

May 16, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Dell agency name is packed with baggage

As the Brand Tags project is showing, how people perceive brands can be quite different from the grand plans of marketers. WPP is of course creating an agency brand from scratch with its dedicated Dell agency. Once I heard the agency name is Synarchy, I did what many would do: I Googled it. In addition to the Scandinavian thrash-metal band shown here, I also found that it’s a political philosophy. Turns out synarchism is a mixed bag. On the one hand, synarchy described an ideal form of harmonious government. Fair enough, sounds nice. But then it became used by an occultist, involving secret societies, telepathy and some mythical subterranean caverns. Its use in modern politics is perhaps more troubling, as synarchy was associated with right-wing Mexican movements that were quite close to fascism. Then again, judging by some stories I hear about working in agencies, it might be apt.

—Posted by Brian Morrissey

May 16, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Bob Ross is back, without the happy trees

We’ll never know if Bob Ross, the Air Force veteran turned mellow painting superstar, would have appreciated the dark humor of this parody. But it’s hard to imagine he wouldn’t like the cause behind it: Nobelematch, a Dutch nonprofit focused on connecting creative talents with worthwhile causes. Check out Osocio’s wrap-up to learn more about the project’s recent launch.

—Posted by David Griner

May 16, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Agency site offers up its homage to Miley

For all the talk of fancy-schmancy agency site redesigns lately, I'm far more impressed with this limited-time reskinning of RedTettemer.com. That’s Creative Media Strategist Rachel Timmerman posing à la Miley in the agency lobby. Philadelphia-based Red Tettemer occasionally switches up the look of its front page, and this week it appears they caught the Cyrus virus with a beautiful shot by photographer Chris Sembrot. I e-mailed Timmerman about the homage, and it sounds like she’s just yet another young starlet being steamrolled by an industry of sweet-talking jackals. “I was enjoying a private moment ideating when someone snapped this shot,” Timmerman said. “At first I was nervous and a little embarrassed — but now that I've seen it, I think it's really artsy, not...you know...skanky. If this proves controversial, I know my support team and my faith will help me through this journey.”

—Posted by David Griner

May 15, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (6)

Firebrand lives on, as unrelated PR pitches

Any company winding down has an obligation to dispose of its assets. That's a lesson being learned right now by Firebrand, the defunct Web venture and TV show that featured nothing but commercials as content. When Firebrand got doused, its Facebook group smoldered on.Now Chris Abraham, a PR guru doofus who helped craft Firebrand’s social media strategy, is using the Firebrand TV group to pitch random stuff to the 581 lingering members. Yesterday, more than two months after Firebrand faded to black, I got a Facebook message from Chris with “an offer for bloggers in the house” to get a review copy of a self-help book. Awesome, just what I wanted. Obviously, when I signed up to keep updated on Firebrand, I was also expressing my desire to review self-help books. Tres contextual. When I contacted Chris about why he’s sending me this crap, he said that Firebrand still owed him money, so he’s using the group until they pay him. The moral: When you turn out the lights and lock the doors, make damn sure you gathered up all the keys.

—Posted by Brian Morrissey

May 15, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (10)

Give your sketchy brand a shot in the arm

Need a bad-boy sports celeb as an endorser for an edgy brand? You might consult the Baseball All-Scandal Team roster, which Sports Illustrated has assembled from its SI Vault of vintage material. Some team members, like Ty Cobb, would be unavailable for live appearances. But plenty of others are around, including Jose Canseco, Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs, Pete Rose, Dwight Gooden and the freshly indicted Barry Bonds.

—Posted by Mark Dolliver

May 15, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Young Alyson Hannigan looks out for dad

Before Alyson Hannigan taught millions how to play the flute, she was telling them about Mylanta's curative powers. She couldn’t have been more than 12 or 13 in this spot, and she already had those adorably stoned vocal mannerisms. They’re probably what charmed her doctor-averse father into the waiting room. Well, that or her magic powers.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

May 15, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Honda's bot conducts the impossible dream

In another step on mankind's road to bitter servitude at the hands of intelligent machines, Honda’s ASIMO robot this week conducted the Detroit Symphony in a performance of “The Impossible Dream” from Man of La Mancha. (Which has apparently become an anthem of sorts for Honda.) I know what you're thinking: Detroit has a symphony orchestra? I was shocked too. But not as shocked as the world’s conductors will be when those baton-wielding bots put them out of work. Sure, symphony leaders probably make up less than .0001% of the global workforce — but it’s a bridgehead those metal fiends won’t soon surrender. You can already see them doing recon in this ASIMO commercial by Wieden + Kennedy. At the concert, the robot said: “It is absolutely thrilling to perform with the Detroit Symphony Orchestra. This is a magnificent concert hall.” Who programmed this guy, Honda’s PR department? Oh, yeah. I guess they did. UPDATE: Here's a video of the performance.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

May 15, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Study finds Internet trolls unaware of libel

According to a new survey, about half of all Internet users would support a voluntary code of conduct for bloggers and commentators. Code of conduct? Sounds like lawyer talk. And indeed, the research was conducted by legal firm DLA Piper, who found that 32 percent of bloggers back the idea, with 34 percent opposed. They didn’t contact AdFreak — a snub that alone makes the survey highly suspect. Anyway, DLA determined that 75 percent of Web users who posted comments are unfamiliar with libel laws. Which means you can probably get away with referring to three-fourths of the world’s commenters as Satanic child molesters. Feel free to comment and share your views on an Internet code of conduct — while you still can. It’s not like you're legally accountable for what you post. Or are you? (Actually, you are, but don’t tell the Satanists.)

—Posted by David Gianatasio

May 15, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Bogusky: Part deity. Part mechanic of cool.

"He looked like Jesus." This is the quote Fast Company uses to begin its new cover paean to Crispin Porter + Bogusky. You can imagine the hockey-haired fellow in question: Alex Bogusky, described as a dead ringer for the Son of God. The source of the quote is an art director depicted as “a blushing 27-year-old hipster in gray New Balance sneakers and a zip-up hoodie.” Who is this smitten fawn? Poor thing. The article by writer Danielle Sacks is ostensibly about Crispin’s Herculean task to make Microsoft cool again after getting the snot beaten out of it by Apple’s cool products and ads. Whenever Fast Company covers advertising agencies, the results are uneven. Let us take a moment to reflect on the JWT story two ago (also written by Sacks) with Ty Montague and Rosemarie Ryan sledgehammering walls. This time around, Bogusky gets full-on adulation from Sacks. He’s a “mechanic of cool” and “for nearly a decade, the unhip have flocked to Bogusky in the hope that a little of his mystique might rub off.” Bogusky has one line that will really have the Crispin-hating hordes in a lather: “Life conspires to beat the rebel out of you.” But the most interesting part of a pretty standard puff piece is probably Chuck Porter laying into MDC, saying it shouldn’t be a publicly traded company and “is not designed at this point to deliver ongoing quarter-on-quarter growth.” And Chuck is MDC's “chief strategist.” Ouch. Oh, and by the way, Crispin’s Microsoft work is due to break in July.

—Posted by Brian Morrissey

May 14, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (3)

International ads beat on, not around Bush

It's no real surprise that international ad folks like to pick on President Bush. But the scope of their satire is pretty impressive when you see it all in one place, which you can over on the graphic-design blog CreativeBits. If you’re a fan of Ads of the World, you’ve likely seen these all before. But why not revisit them for a nice round of reasoned, insightful commenter debate on the state of international relations? Or maybe a knives-out partisan flamewar?

—Posted by David Griner

May 14, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (3)

'X-Files 2' trailer has fans salivating for kiss

The trailer for the new X-Files movie doesn't really tell us anything, but in a way that's rather fitting. The FBI is nothing if not secretive. One thing it does reveal, though, is the chance that Mulder and Scully might finally stop blueballing their fans long enough to kiss. Which, if they’ve met any of their fans lately, they’ll do. (Of course, they’ve fooled people before.) Seriously, they shouldn’t keep messing with these fans. They're the kind who write letters. Scary, scary letters.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

May 14, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Crocs are a scream in love/hate campaign

Not long ago, MBT boasted that its ho-hum launch effort was "irreverent." But that adjective is probably better suited to Zimmerman Advertising’s new “What a Croc” campaign. Playing off the intense passions both for and against Crocs, the TV spots feature everything from a Don King soliloquy of praise to a guy screaming like a maniac at the “shoe.” Who knows, maybe he’s screaming because his feet got mangled in an escalator while he was wearing Crocs as a boy. The new ad campaign comes just as Japan is calling for a Crocs redesign “after complaints that the feet of children wearing the colorful plastic clogs have been injured on escalators,” according to the Associated Press. “The Washington Metro ... has even posted ads warning about such shoes on its moving stairways.” Maybe I'll go with the MBTs after all. I’ve gotten used to having all 10 toes.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

May 14, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Topless Asians get steamy at the car wash

The subject line of the pitch e-mail read: "Sexy soapy sumos splash Subaru." You don't have to watch the 60-second “Car Wash” spot by DDB Canada to figure out which of those “S” words doesn’t really apply. But check it out anyway.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

May 14, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

PETA brings its KFC horror show to Boston

KFC's really been getting battered lately. First, Moby's pimp-chicken attacked. Then Troma produced Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. Now, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has hit the airwaves with what the Boston Herald calls “disturbing new ads depicting the bespectacled Colonel Sanders as a sadistic torture monger.” You might remember this as the campaign that FOX refused to run during the Super Bowl. The Herald continues: “The ‘Kentucky Fried Cruelty’ ads ... show a man dressed like the grandfatherly Sanders watching approvingly as guards ruthlessly beat half-human, half-chicken creatures cooped up in a Guantanamo-like prison camp.” Guantanamo-like, eh? Why then, it’d be un-American not to eat at KFC!

—Posted by David Gianatasio

May 13, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (3)

iPhone shortage may unhinge fragile nation

How can there be an iPhone shortage? First oil, now this. There is an oil shortage, right? Isn't that why the price of gas is so high? What other reason could there be? OK, true story: A few weeks back, I was on a train and the guy sitting next to me pulled out an iPhone, and I really wished I had one, too. Um, that's the whole story. It's how I felt that's important. I felt deprived. And now there's nothing I can do about it. I can't even call Steve Jobs and complain ... because there's a shortage of iPhones. It's maddening. OH GOD, I JUST WANT TO MAKE ONE CALL! ON AN IPHONE! ONE LOUSY CALL! Maybe I should drown my sorrows in DTV converters or Twitter. Tweet ... t-weet ...  Sigh. It's just not the same.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

May 13, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Inspiration you should not try at home

This unsettling Biblioteq Creative Books ad illuminates one of the key difficulties with turning children into jack-o'-lanterns: Near-daily growth and a complex facial bone structure both make it impossible to get the face right. Just kidding; we’re well aware that the ad symbolizes how books augment the creative flame burning within each child. Their imagery could stand to be less grim, though. You can check out three other executions over on Advertolog.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

May 13, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (3)

'The Electric Company' is powering up again

"It's the old one, mixed with High School Musical and a Dr Pepper commercial." That’s how a PBS exec summarizes an updated version of The Electric Company set to air in January. And while the description doesn’t sound so promising, at least the remake of the kids’ literacy show from the ’70s will feature a cameo by original cast member Rita Moreno. PBS would do well to have her revisit her classic “Hey You Guyyyyys!” opening exultation. I used to bellow that phrase all day long–at maximum volume, just like Rita – in second grade. I never did play well with others. Here’s a clip of Moreno and Morgan Freeman (both Oscar winners!) performing “The Menu Song” from the original EC. I still sing it in my cubicle at work sometimes. Sorry, Human Resources, but some of us will never out outgrow the taste for a jellybean salad.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

May 13, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Vespa drivers make some exquisite corpses

Dentsu's been plastering Vespa graffiti around Canadian cities like Calgary, Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver. The pics show the scooters sticking up through people’s shirts, where their necks and heads should be. It’s arresting imagery, intended to celebrate the individuality and fashion sense of the folks who ride the scooters. For some reason, however, it makes me think of crashes – crashes so horrific, the headlights and mirrors of the scooters have torn through the riders’ spinal columns, decapitating them in the process, and popping out through their cardigans. Hey, maybe the work can double as a highway safety campaign. Then again, those Canadians aren’t ones for subtle warnings.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

May 13, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

'Star Wars' trailer already beats last 3 films

I found myself surprisingly intrigued by this trailer for the new Star Wars animated feature, which is itself really a preview of the upcoming TV show—also called The Clone Wars. The plot sounds interesting, and the CGI animation is slick. (Click here to see a high-res version of the trailer.) But the most endearing part of the new movie is probably what’s not in the new movie..

—Posted by David Griner

May 12, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Poll: Who has the best name in advertising?

Let's face facts: Advertising can be slightly superficial. Image matters. That's why I think an awesome name can be a great advantage. Considering the penchant to slap the founders’ names on the door of new shops, let’s at least hopes the names are good. Here are four of my favorites:

Johnny Vulkan: The Anomaly partner has a name that speaks to a weird, all-knowing power. If Johnny and his cohorts really want to reinvent the agency compensation model, they’ll need all of his ability to mind-meld with clients.

Jelly Helm: I’m told this is some kind of Southern thing. Whatever it is, the name rocks. Would the Wieden + Kennedy creative director and VCU AdCenter professor have risen so high if he stuck with David Helm?

Benzo: Like a Brazilian soccer player, Benzo needs just a single name. The L.A. director even goes in front of the camera for the “Catch” Ray-Ban viral hit. Someone this cool simply cannot go around letting people call him Ben. That would be an injustice.

Scrappers Morrison: The most famous (in our eyes) graduate of W+K’s 12, Scrappers burst on the scene in style: shirtless, hirsute and sporting a dead raccoon across his shoulders. This kind of personality can’t be confined to a fuddy-duddy given name like Justin.

Vote for your favorite, or contribute your own, after the jump.

—Posted by Brian Morrissey

Click to read more ...

May 12, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (27)

Runners dream of three-way with victory

It's not that we don't appreciate New Balance's "threesome" metaphor to keep this poor guy running (and buying their running shoes), but they're biting off more than they can chew. An actual threesome is, much like communism, an ambitious theory that fails in practice due to confusion, frustrating boundaries, and general human error. A better model for running is that it’s the C- girl at the bar who, when engaged with enough tenacity, grants you a shot at her A+ friend: Victory. Via splendAd.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

May 12, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Coffee and chimps: Recipe for apocalypse

Jane Goodall is teaming up with Green Mountain Coffee Roasters to help preserve the habitats of wild chimpanzees in Tanzania's Gombe National Park. That Jane really needs a new hobby after all these years. Anyway, it’s way too cold up in Vermont for chimps, so Green Mountain has nothing to fear. As for the rest of us, well, have you have ever SEEN a chimp after it’s had a couple lattes? First they Riverdance. Next, they take over human jobs – mainly in the HR Departm ent and Accounts Payable. Ultimately, you wind up with an entire planet run by apes and people running around in loincloths, which, by the way, is a vision I keep having after one too many caramel macchiatos. Damn you, Starbucks. Damn you all to hell!

—Posted by David Gianatasio

May 12, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Wouldn't you rather have an 'unreal' car?

StrawberryFrog's pan-European launch effort for the Chevrolet Aveo positions the vehicle as "a real car for real people." In this spot, the Aveo passes all kinds of wacky contraptions: a jet-powered truck, a hot rod, a missile-shaped car. The truth is, I would prefer to tool around in any one of those other cars, even if they don’t run properly. The Aveo just kind of seems lame by comparison. Even the song on the soundtrack, Petula Clark’s ’60s chestnut “Downtown,” makes that Aveo seem like my father’s—or even my grandfather’s—Chevrolet. Bottom line: You’ll get more jealous stares behind the wheel of a rocket-powered car, especially if it sets the neighborhood on fire.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

May 12, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

At last, zombie chickens get their revenge

Just when you thought horror movies had absolutely plumbed the depths of zombie apocalypse justifications, along comes Troma to — as usual — contribute an utterly implausible gorefest with a great soundtrack. This time it’s Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead; here’s the trailer, but don’t watch it during dinner, work or any activity where you need to think really hard. The title track is provided by Calamari Safari, and the soundtrack is rounded out with some pretty good underground bands, including Zombina and the Skeletones, the Dwarves, and the Peacocks. Sadly, they’re not screening it anywhere close to Baltimore, so I can’t see it for myself, but I can imagine it being like Shaun of the Dead minus the wit, and plus a few Colonel Sanders jokes.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

May 12, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Brand Tags tell marketers the hard truth

I’m a skeptic of tag clouds. I don’t find them a compelling navigation tool. Avenue A/Razorfish’s Garrick Schmidt once aptly summed them up to me as “the mullet of the Internet — seemed like a good idea at the time, but now kinda embarrassing.” That said, I’m on board with a new project by Naked’s Noah Brier. His site, Brand Tags, creates a tag cloud for brands based on a quiz of the first thing that pops into a visitor's mind. Just visit the site, give a few one-word thoughts, or click here to go straight to browsing the answers. The early results are telling. Take Google vs Yahoo. Google has an enormous “search” tag, while Yahoo’s cloud is peppered with terms like “dead,” “death march,” “doomed” and “old.” If you're using Twitter, Noah's looking for brands to add.

—Posted by Brian Morrissey

May 9, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Dextro pushes pills for remorseful cheaters

If you like to pick on advertisers who flash flagrant skin, then have a go at Dextro Energy. (You can see less-pervy executions here and here.) It's probably bad form to encourage what amounts to speed use among stressed-out students, but on the other hand, you'd probably need drugs to understand vectors. Just don't tell Goodyear that women are studying math these days. Via Ads of the World.

—Posted by Dave Kiefaber

May 9, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)

In a world ... where your voice is your life

At some point, everyone — at least everyone in advertising — has wondered what daily life must be like for those baritone voice talents. (I can personally vouch for the fact that Hal Douglas really does talk like that.) Now their secret lives are revealed, thanks to sketch comedy troupe POYKPAC. Via Presurfer.

—Posted by David Griner

May 9, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (0)